The SH* Fan

shit hit the fanThere is something about the Law of Attraction that has never clicked with me. See, this school of thought supports the idea that if you really want something, you must always have it in your awareness. Think about it. Make vision boards on it. Walk around with mementos that remind you of it. Almost obsess over it but somehow keep your mind in a blissful, positive state. In my experience, if you really want something, the moment you stop obsessing over it, let go and ‘let God’ (if you will), then it comes to you. So really, when you least expect it (because you have let it go) it comes. This Law also states that, whatever you are experiencing in your life, you have attracted into your life…by virtue of your thoughts. Whether good or bad.

These past two weeks have been really rough on me. I lost a close friend. She was a fun loving, complicated free spirit – yet so simple. Everything I ever told her, she ‘got’ it. I never had to say to her, ‘you know what I mean’ because she understood. We did so many things together growing up. She was there when I experienced my first mini heart break from the dude who drove that graffiti painted double cabin pick up. We tried nicotine for the first time together in her front porch when her mom was at work. And we Katie her-break-out-record Perried because we were silly curious college delinquents. My heart breaks when I replay the white casket being lowered into the ground. See you up there sweetie.

Then there is this break up that shot me from the back.

And now I’m leaving for the UK to pursue my masters. Not packed. Not prepared.

In respect to the Law of Attraction, all that I am experiencing I have attracted to me. Even by writing these words down I am reaffirming and reliving these experiences in my current state thereby setting a preface for my future state. How can this be so, yet I am better than yesterday and I am better than I was two hours ago yet, then, I was worse than I am now.

I don’t know. What I do know is that there is a learning that I am meant to get out of this. All this turmoil, all at once and so intense cannot be because He is a narcissist and the reason I am confident about this is because He has been showing up all over the place as if to pull me away from the centre of the tornading chaos while still allowing me to see and feel force it.

And finally He reveals through an unexpected source, ‘I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’ Phillipians 4:12-13.

Okay chill, not to be deep or whatever. I’m still Julia. I still wanna curse and down 5 jager bombs. But, really, all I’m trying to say is that, a lot of shit just came my way all at once and I was just standing there, no tissue paper or goggles and then He just showed me a lot of Love. You know what I mean? (LOL)

That’s all Folks,



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