I ended up in a slightly heated conversation with my girls about depression and suicide. We are not usually a gloomy lot but miss sherane’s death sparked the exchange. Please note I am not a psychiatrist nor a psychologist and so the opinions expressed on this publication will be just that, expressions. And so to an expert, will seem deeply naive and short sighted.
I think depression is the worst disease to ever befall the human race. To me, depression is rooted in two things: self doubt and self pity. And it seems that these two things are ignited by an event or a series of events usually circling around the theme of rejection. For some, because of inherent personality traits and behavioural habits earlier picked up, it is easier to shake off these dark clouds. For others, it may be not so easy.Because at some point in everyone’s life as my mom said, “…you will always feel a ka depression…acknowledge it and then decide to rise above it.”
I know I have been there. For about 3 and half years I wallowed in a dark, dark place. Because I am naturally outgoing and spunky, it was easier to mask. I would stand on a pavement and notice cars whiz past me as I was trying to cross the road. I would say to myself, “I am (was) only 40 ft from death with that car… I was only 30 ft from death with that one… “ I never tried. Thank God. But I let the thoughts swim in my conscience. When I finally was able to come out of the fog, people would say, “Boy, Julia, you were not happy last year…” or “…you didn’t seem to be in a good place that time we went on that trip.” All were acquaintances…people I knew from a far. It seemed those closest to me could not see because it was easier perhaps to hide it from them. The better, I thought.
And so nowadays, if I feel that wave start to creep back into my life, I resist it. I listen to the ques of my inner voice,aka, God, before the tragedy unfolds. I have come to learn that there is always a voice, an internal nudge, that is constantly trying to guide us to the right places.
And with that let me conclude by saying, depression is real. It is not limited to ‘those arsty’ or ‘those creative’ types. I believe under the right circumstances, anyone can slip into depression and anyone can decide to take their own life.
May God grant us all empathy. So that even when we don’t understand another’s pain, we are still able to lay ego aside and lend a shoulder. Amen.
RIP my sweet.
“We are not humans on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human journey,” – That Indian sounding guy who’s always on Oprah’s life class.